Night of the Cooties
by EBJim
Summary: sm.net AoE entry - Title should be enough of a summary


Night of the Cooties\ 

* * *

Lier X. Aggerate walked into the office. Monotoli was looking at some papers, but looked up to see who just walked in. He knew what Liar wanted and cleared his throat. "Mr. Aggerate, I was just going through the station's ratings. They've taken a pretty big drop." 

"Yeah, I know. How bad are they?" He picked up the chart Monotoli was looking at. "Wow, these are pretty bad. I know you don't want to rely on one show like you did with your other station, but I have an idea for a show that could turn the network around." 

"I don't care if Monotoli Network Television does end up relying solely on your show. I just want something to happen. Right now, we're just the laughingstock of America. Our ratings are worse than UPNs." 

Lier cleared his throat and gripped the piece of paper he was holding very tightly. "Well, I know that there are already quite a few reality shows out there." He saw that Monotoli was starting to look away. " Well, there are way too many, but I got this idea before the reality craze started. I just needed a while to develop the idea." 

"It doesn't matter when you got the idea or how long it took to develop the idea. Most likely, people will just look at your idea as a rip-off. Something we did out of desperation." 

Liar started to stutter then got control over his voice again. "Well, I can guarantee you, that's not what'll happen with this. No one has ever tried anything like this before." Monotoli didn't need to say anything. Lier could just tell by the expression on his face that he was thinking 'I've heard that before'. "America seems to have this obsession with fear. They seem to enjoy it. They go on roller coasters for fun and most of them are screaming their lungs out. Stephen King is a huge celebrity because he knows how to scare people. My idea is to put 8 people in a 'haunted' house. We'll set up various things to scare them from time to time. They're free to leave at any time, but, of course, the winner gets the big prize." 

Monotoli seemed a bit more interested. "And how do we know they will walk away? They'll know it's all staged, right?" 

"Well, we won't be telling them. If we have to, I know they'll still leave. At this place where I worked before, we tried a similar experiment. We tried to give them more money, but nothing would work. They all left." 

Monotoli picked up another piece of paper and examined it. "There are a few time slots that we could fill in. But we'll discuss that after the filming." 

"Thank you, I've already gotten a few worthy participants, filming should start soon." 

"Good. I like this idea, Lier. I like it so much I want to be there the day you start filming." 

-------------------------------------------------- 

Ness was in the MNT-owned limousine anticipating this event. He checked his watch. It was 10 pm. It just felt like an awkward time to do something like this. He looked over the invitation he got. Sure, he didn't need the money, but Jeff did. Jeff and Poo were also invited to this mysterious game. They also had no idea what to expect. Ness didn't have any idea where the car was going, so he was a bit surprised when it came to a sudden stop. He was about to mutter something about getting out, but the chauffeur answered Ness's question for him. "You can get out now, sir. You should be going in any minute now. 

Ness did what the chauffeur told him to do. He quickly got out and saw that there were eight other people standing next to eight different limos and assumed that those were the other "guests". He noticed some of them instantly. There was Jeff and Poo, but he already knew they were there. He recognized Orange Kid, who had a backpack bulging out. Apparently, they didn't have any restrictions on outside items. Of course, no one could miss Mr. T and his glimmering gold chains. Frank could also be seen close by. Ness squinted and could see Mr. Fork and Mr. Spoon in the distance. Before he could look around some more, someone else he recognized walked up. Lier X. Aggerate walked on the scene with a flashlight, a clipboard and a set of keys. He made a few marks on his clipboard and handed it to one of the Chauffeurs. He walked in front of the gang that gathered after the limousines pulled up. He looked back at them and said, "Right this way, gentlemen. Someone else will be here shortly to explain the situation." 

No one knew what he meant, but they all followed him. After half a minute of walking, a large house came into view. It was an old brick house and it was hard to make out the details in the dark. As they got closer, it obviously looked much bigger than they thought. It was at least two stories, maybe three. Lier unlocked the main door and they stormed into the main room. The house smelt old. It reeked of mildew. The floors were wooden and squeaked just as much as the door did. They examined their surroundings for a moment then another car pulled up next to the car. Ness was at the far end of this room and could barely make out the figure that was getting out. After the man entered the room, Ness knew it was Monotoli, one of the least recognizable millionaires in Eagleland. 

Monotoli walked into the house much more charismatic than he was the other times Ness met him. But then again, those weren't very good times for Monotoli. Kidnappings, evil forces and bizarre statues usually do tend to make you act a bit different. Monotoli threw his fedora onto a nearby coat rack and forgot to close the door. He didn't need to. He was only scheduled to stay for a few minutes. He walked into the middle of the room and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "As you should know, you have been brought here to participate in the nation's newest reality TV phenomenon. We have cameras hidden around the house just so the camera crew doesn't get in your way. Of course, there are certain areas where we would give you complete privacy. You will be guided to your rooms shortly and are welcome to leave at any time. However, the last person here..." He paused to build up anticipation and suspense. And also to take a series of checks out of his pocket. "Gets one million dollars. You still get a bit if you walk away. that's what these are for", he said as he put the checks he just pulled out. "Throughout the game, you will have to face certain...challenges. Winning these..." 

Before he could finish, the door slammed shut with a loud booming noise that caught them all by surprise. It shouldn't have happened. There was no wind that night and no one was even close to the door. What was almost as alarming as the loud, unreasonable shutting of the door was what they heard after. It sounded light a high-pitched laughter and it surrounded all of them. After the laughter stopped, the old mildew smell also disappeared. It was replaced with this bizarre, but recognizable smell. Ness recognized it, but didn't know what it was. It brought back memories of his journey. Especially in Twoson. 

Monotoli ran his hand through his hair. "I don't think I've ever been through one of those." 

Mr. Spoon walked towards the door. "I'm sure it's nothing. It was probably the wind." He grabbed the handle of the door and suddenly let go of it out of surprise. He let a quick "Bah!" slip after the way the handle felt startled him. "It feels...warm. Not hot, but very warm. It was ice cold when I walked in." 

"It's probably nothing", Jeff added. "Lots of people have touched that door. You were one of the first ones to come in. And it has also gotten pretty hot since we came in." 

"You're right, I'll just open this and let some air in." Spoon grabbed the warm handle of the door once again, twisted it and pulled it. He pulled for at least a half a minute until he had to turn back and state the obvious. "It won't budge." 

Mr. Fork was leaning against the wall. He took out a hanker chief and wiped his sweaty forehead. With a hint of agitation he said, "Well, open something, it's hot enough to boil an egg in here!" 

Mr. Spoon muttered something under his breath and headed towards the window. He put both hands on the windowsill and felt a bizarre sensation on his hands. It started off just tingling feeling. Then it invaded his body. He felt light-headed. He tried to pull his hands away, but it was too late. They were attached to the windowsill. Not physically, but something kept them to the windowsill. It could have just been his lack of ability to move because of whatever was doing this to him. After a while, he just collapsed. 

Jeff was the first to run over to him, mainly because of his vast medical knowledge. A crowd slowly gathered around Mr. Spoon's unconscious body. Jeff checked for a pulse and it was there. He examined the rest of Mr. Spoon's body and found nothing until he opened his eyelids. His eyes looked different. They were pink and just appeared to be shaped differently. Jeff saw that something was wrong. He grabbed Mr. Spoon's limp hand then instantly knew what was wrong. He let a short scream slip then backed away. "He has cooties." 

Mr. Fork was confused. "How can he have cooties? I thought cooties were just a myth to scare kids like the boogeyman and Martians." 

"Cooties have been around since the 1980s and are very contagious", Jeff explained. "But only girls can pass cooties...I don't see any girls here" 

There was an awkward pause. Lier took a step forward and said, "I also thought cooties were a myth. We did spend a pretty big portion of the budget on the cameras and transportation, so I had to get someplace cheap and efficient for this." 

Mr. T was getting annoyed. "What's all this jibba jabba for? Get to the point, sucka." 

Lier took a deep breath. "This house used to be a boarding school for girls." 

Jeff's jaw just dropped. "This place is probably crawling with cooties. Why didn't you mention that it was a boarding school?" 

"I didn't think it would matter." 

"Well, now it does. We should all stay here. Someone has to come by eventually. I'm sure there's a way to de-cootieize a place now." 

Monotoli checked all his pockets. "Dang, I must have left my cell phone in the car. No one else has a cell phone?" No one answered. "They should have a phone in the security office. It's probably a bit dangerous, who wants to come with me?" Ness saw that no one else was willing to go then raised his hand. "Great, it's right up the stairs." 

Monotoli led the way up the stairs. The lights got dimmer as he got closer. He had to take a flashlight out to find the right key. He opened the door and walked into the enormous security room. It looked pretty normal. They could see all what was going on throughout the whole house. There were at least 30 cameras sprawled across the house. Ness instantly spotted the phone. It was right next to the security guard. He walked up to the guard's chair and tapped it. The guard didn't respond. Ness spun the chair towards him and saw why he didn't respond. The guard had cooties too. He had a Barbie in each hand. The pink fog surrounded him and started to do the same to Ness. He smelt the same familiar aroma. He tried to resist, but even his PSI was useless. He got so weak he couldn't even yell for help. Instead, the cooties just flowed through his body and Ness just collapsed. 

Meanwhile, Monotoli was busy studying all the security monitors. He was just glued to the screen. He didn't notice anything that was happening at the other end of the room until he heard the thud of Ness's body as it hit the old, dusty wooden floor. The flashlight just fell out of Monotoli's hand as he saw this shockingly bizarre turn of events. He slowly backed away until the pink cootie cloud headed towards him. Then he started running. He shut the door behind him, but the cooties seeped out of the room and followed him. He ran down the hall much faster than most men his age and of his stature. He managed to out-run the cooties until he started going down the stairs. Then he started to hear the high pitched laughter again and was caught. The cooties made him "feel pretty". He didn't even try to resist. 

-------------------------------------------------- 

While Ness and Monotoli were upstairs, Orange Kid took something out of his bag. Of course, Jeff had to ask him what it was. 

"It's something I made a few days ago", Orange Kid vaguely explained. 

"Thanks", Jeff replied with more than a hint of sarcasm. 

"Let me finish. It's a witty line generator! Watch..." He pressed a few buttons and read out the line as he tried to contain his laughter. "It's better than being stuck on the road with Shaq!" He burst out laughing. No one else seemed to get his bizarre style of humor. He finally stopped laughing and it was so quiet you could hear the crickets chirping until they heard the footsteps. 

Monotoli slowly came down the stairs. He trotted into the room. It was almost a skip, but his weak, flabby limbs couldn't handle all that work. Lier was just about to ask him a few questions, but Monotoli just trotted past him. He walked into the hallway close to the main entrance. "Where's he going?", Frank asked Poo. 

"I don't know." 

Frank started to follow Monotoli. "Well he looks like he knows what he's doing. After looking through all that stuff in the security room, he probably knows this place like the back of his hand." 

In a flurry of intertwining statements, everyone agreed. 

They followed Monotoli through the hall and into what looked like a dining room. After they were all in the dining room, Monotoli just faded away. The door shut behind them. They hesitated for a moment or two then Jeff tried opening the door. "Hmmm. Apparently, the lobby was some sort of safe haven. The cooties couldn't do anything there..." 

"What about the windowsill? Those buggers got to Spooney back there", Frank interrupted. 

"Well, technically, that wasn't in the lobby. It was in the hallway. And we aren't in that safe haven anymore, but I'm pretty sure there's a way back. Ness didn't come down with 'Monotoli', so I'll take charge." 

Frank didn't like the way this was going. "Why do you get to be in charge? I was the one who was in charge and still is in charge of a pretty big gang back home, I have leadership experience, I..." 

He was interrupted by Lier. "It doesn't matter who's in charge, as long as we can get out un-cootieized." 

Jeff instinctively thanked Lier then picked up where he left off. "As I was saying, I'll just take charge for a moment. We have three main concerns right now. Number one: We need to find a way back to the lobby. Number two: We need to find Ness. It just wouldn't be right to leave him behind like this. Number Three: We need to find a way to get in contact with the outer world. Or even better yet, a way to get out of here. I don't know if there is a way to get out. That's another reason we need Ness. He has a receiver phone. Sure, you can't make outgoing calls on it, but he's bound to get a call eventually. Fork, Orange Kid, Mr. T, Frank...I want you to find a way back to the main lobby. Poo, Liar and I will find Ness. We'll go up those stairs. Be careful." 

Jeff led the way up the stairs. It was a fairly large staircase. When they got up the stairs, they could hear this odd noise. It was high pitched and sounded very foreign. This sound compelled Jeff. He was drawn towards it. It got louder and more foreign as he got closer. Eventually, he say a series of doors. He had the sense not to open any. But Poo didn't. He had to find out what that noise was. He could feel vibrations on the door as he grabbed the handle. He unsheathed his sword and twisted the knob. He slowly opened the door and saw two pale figures. Jeff knew something was wrong when he heard the noise coming out of that room. He it sounded foreign, but he could almost make out some words of the English language. Then it hit him. That noise was music. It was some boy band. He ran as fast as he could from the room, taking Lier with him. 

It was too late for Poo to do the same. He was frozen with fear. Those two pale figures appeared to be two girls in their teens. But they weren't. Poo saw right through their pink, foggy 'bodies'. But he didn't have much time to do that because these girls were screaming and rushing towards him. Poo swung his sword at one of them out of self-defense, but it just went through the mist. He couldn't touch them, but they could touch him. They ran on top of him and started pinching his cheeks screaming things like "Oh my god, it's really him!" He felt himself feel differently as the smell of perfume nearly made him pass out. He lost his grip on the sword, but tried to resist as they dragged him into their room. 

Jeff and Lier weren't there to see this horrific sight. By the time Poo had been dragged into the room, they had ran through three different halls. They thought they were safe when they couldn't hear the music anymore. They stopped to catch their breath. Lier was confused. "What happened back there? I think I might be a bit too old to get all of that." 

"They got to Poo. That music is one of the main signs you're in danger of being infected with cooties." 

"We've gone pretty far, we should be close to the security room." 

"Well, don't try to go too fast", Jeff responded. "You saw what happened to Monotoli." 

"Yeah, but it's not safe to stay in one place either." 

"Nothing is in here. But staying here would be safer. Besides, we'll only stay a few minutes." 

After he made that last statement, Jeff took his glasses off and wiped them. Lier took something out of a nearby room while Jeff was preoccupied with his glasses. It was a soda. He opened it and took a sip of it. Jeff put his glasses back on and noticed that Lier had it. "Could I have some of that?" 

"Sure, go right ahead." Lier handed the bottle to Jeff. Jeff was exhausted. He couldn't remember the last time he had to run like that. He chugged the drink then noticed something after a few gulps. The soda tasted fine, but it left a bizarre sensation after it slid down his throat. He spit what was in his mouth out and threw the soda onto the ground. He knew he was set up with cooties. There were only a few seconds left for him and he wanted to use those remaining seconds to get an answer to one question. He fell to his knees and with just a whisper, he simply asked "Why?" 

Lier looked pretty smug as he explained. "You see, I set this all up. I'm not the real Lier X. Aggerate. His body was just a host. He's had cooties since seventh grade. I've gathered all of you here because all of you are a menace to the female gender. Most of you are just 'womanizing pigs', some of you are just...freaks. We've been waiting to do this for a long time, Jeff." 

After hearing Lier's last words, Jeff collapsed and succumbed to the evil cooties that passed through him after his lips touched the same soda that Lier's cootie-filled lips touched. 

-------------------------------------------------- 

Shortly after Jeff, Poo and Lier went up the stairs, Orange Kid led the way into the hallway on the other side of the room. They wandered through the vast, dark hallways for a minute or two until they came across another stairway going down. "A stairway!", Orange kid exclaimed. "That must lead to the basement and there's always a way out in the basement!" 

As Orange Kid and Frank started going down the stairs, Mr. Fork made an attempt to stop them. "Shouldn't we tell Jeff and the rest of them about this?" 

Orange Kid was eager to leave. He stopped, but only for a moment. "I'm sure they'll find their way out eventually. It only took us a few minutes." 

"What about Mr. Spoon? We can't just leave him behind." 

"Sure we can. Jeff said he was the leader, it's his problem", Frank replied as he started walking down the stairway again. Mr. T followed Orange Kid and Frank into the basement. Despite his rivalry with Mr. Spoon, Mr. Fork just felt that the right thing to do was to go back. Fork knew exactly where to go. He had a photographic memory. He remembered every fork and every turn. As he was trekking back to where he came from, Mr. Fork bumped into someone. He was looking at something on the ground and didn't notice that Lier X. Aggerate was standing right there. He was alarmed at first, then say it was just Lier. "Wow, you really got me there, Lier. I thought you were someone or something else. I was just coming back from this place over there. I went back to check on you. It looks like you're ok, but where's everyone else?" 

"Oh, they're back there. We found Ness and everything", Lier said as he lent his hand out to help Fork up. Fork took Lier's hand and Lier got a good grip on it. He purposely 'struggled' to get more time. By the time Fork was up, it was pointless. He was back down because of the cooties. 

Lier threw Fork's hand down and rushed towards the rest of the guys. It didn't take him long to do that. He walked down the stairs and knew right where to go. The weaker spirits in the house saw everything. It took him half the time to get through the basement than it did for Orange Kid. 

Orange Kid was examining some sort of switch in the room. The room was dark, he couldn't make it out with his flashlight. Then as he was examining the switch, he heard something entering the room. he dropped his flashlight and swiftly turned around. Mr. T and Frank did the same. It was just Lier. It was hard to make out at first with the bright light of Lier's flashlight beaming down on them. Orange Kid sat down. "Wow, Lier, you really had me by surprise there. You should say something before doing something like that." He was scared and embarrassed. Sweat was coming down like he just ran a 20 mile marathon. 

Lier walked into the room some more. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I caught up with Mr. Spoon back there. He's with Jeff and the rest of them." 

After catching his breath, Orange Kid got back up and put his backpack back on. "That's good to hear. But I still think we should find a way out before we tell them. They did their job, we have to do ours." He headed towards the door. 

Even Mr. T was nervous and wanted to get it off his chest. "You sure? I know all you suckas would be wettin your trousers. I think we should go back." Then as Lier turned towards Mr. T, he noticed something. The light from Lier's flashlight reflected off his huge gold chains and onto Lier. Mr. T was the first to spot the pink cootie fog that surrounded Lier. Foolishly, he barked out, "that bad mamma jamma's one of them! He has cooties" And ran out with Orange Kid right behind him. 

Frank knew he wouldn't have been able to run with them, he was behind Lier. And Lier noticed this. Frank took his reliable knife out and brandished it menacingly. "Don't do it. I took you down back in Onett and you know it. Just because I know you have cooties won't stop me from doing it again." Lier just laughed at the statement and walked closer. Frank made an attempt to plunge the weapon into Lier's gut and it fell out of his hand after it just went through the body as if it wasn't even there. "What happened? What is this?" 

Lier just walked up to Frank and grabbed him by the back of the neck. He sent the cooties into Frank then explained. "Back in Onett, I tried to hide my cooties by working out and eating manly things like garlic. That's one of the things that kept me from realizing the raw power of cooties. And in here I can do more with my cooties. The spirit of the house itself just enables me to do all this. Any last words...before you become one of us?" 

Frank was using all his strength just to stay on his knees. "You may have stopped me, but you'll never get to them." Then after hearing those last words, Lier just dissolved into a pink mist of cooties. The pink mist that was Lier surrounded Frank. 

-------------------------------------------------- 

Mr. T was rushing through the confusing Labyrinth that was in the basement with Orange Kid slowly jogging behind. Orange Kid was fully aware of the danger he was in, but he just wasn't used to this kind of work. Mr. T rushed past a brightly lit room without stopping to see what it was. Neither did Orange Kid, but he ran right past it as something stepped out. It was another pink, pale, ghostly figure of a young girl. She chased after Orange Kid shouting, "Oh boys, wait up!" Orange Kid couldn't run fast enough. His backpack was too heavy. He passed out from the work and was an easy victim of cooties. The girl just touched his cheek and he was infected. 

Mr. T didn't hear too much, he was too concerned with himself. He finally found the end of the hallway. Mr. T grabbed the handle of the steel door and twisted it. It wouldn't budge. He tried just ripping it off with brute force, but he couldn't get a his foot on the wall to put more force on it. The wall seemed to be moving towards him. So was that girl. He kicked the door and it just dented the thing. He rammed into it, but it just wouldn't budge. The girl caught up with Mr. T and grabbed his arm. Mr. T screamed loudly and fell to the ground. The girl grabbed his hand and Mr. T slowly uttered his last words as a manly man. "I pity the foo that gives me cooties." 


End file.
